In an earth-shattering revelation, the Flat Earth Society (FES) has announced that climate change is nothing but a highly sophisticated hologram being projected by an enormous lizard living at the center of the flat earth. This comes after years of tireless research and numerous scientific experiments involving very large rulers and strings.
The lizard, affectionately named ‘Terra,’ is believed to be thousands of years old and is suspected to have been manipulating the earth’s climate for centuries. According to the FES, Terra has been steadily projecting the illusion of a warming planet to throw mankind into chaos and distract us from the truth of our flat world.
“Our years of standing at the edge of the world and shouting, ‘Hey, I can’t see the curvature!’ have finally paid off,” said FES President Ignatius J. Obdurate. “We knew the truth was out there, but to think it was under our very feet this whole time!”
The FES’s findings come from a series of experiments involving laser pointers, mirrors, and a lot of duct tape. By shining lasers across large bodies of water and meticulously measuring the light’s path, they concluded that not only is the earth flat, but it also seems to be resting on the back of a giant lizard.
“This is a triumph for science,” Obdurate added, “We’ve been trying to tell everyone that climate change couldn’t possibly be real because the earth is flat. Now we’ve proven that it’s all just a projection from Terra.”
Scientists around the world are scrambling to respond to these claims. Many are expressing doubt, citing minor issues like the entirety of established physics and the fact that the Earth has been observed as a sphere from space.
In response to these criticisms, the FES has asked: “Have you personally been to space? Didn’t think so.”
Despite the controversy, one thing is clear: the Flat Earth Society is committed to their belief. As for Terra the Lizard, reports say she could not be reached for comment.
